How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
