so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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