I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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