I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
