I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
