Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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