The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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