hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
