butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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