Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
high people should be assigned attendants
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
