Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
