i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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