Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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