i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
