How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
