he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
