If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
