we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
