I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
