dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
