i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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