I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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