That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
