The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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