You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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