Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
