I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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