Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
