He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
