I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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