i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
