yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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