this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
