dude i'm inner monologue high
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
