I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
