does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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