i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
