Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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