is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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