I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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