your parents love me but you hate me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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