Im at strip club and am horny
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
