My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
