You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
