Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
