How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
