what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
