he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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