I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
