And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
