i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Rumble strips road head = magical
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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