I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
